Brother, not lover
by ShapeShifter15
Summary: I was not his lover. Our relationship ran deeper than that. I was not his lover, I was his brother. After Riechenbach, and during Sherlock's funeral.


Why did people assume I was attracted to Sherlock in _that_ way? I mean, sure, I enjoyed being with him, but that's what friends do, they enjoy time together. I suppose we always spent too much time together. but the thing is, it wasn't not my fault. it was Sherlock's, actually. It was all Sherlock. He was not used to having friends. In fact, as far as I know, I was his first real friend. Sherlock didn't know how to react around me. he didn't know what a friend should do. I've noticed how much he's changed since we met in Bart's. he was more relaxed and open. I've seen him smile more often. Of course, he was still Sherlock. There's no denying that will ever change.

We were not gay. I was not his date, nor his boyfriend. Sherlock had made it clear that he was as straight as a stick and strictly asexual. He didn't need love to cloud his mind. Sherlock was a friend and nothing more.

He was possessive. He didn't like any of my girlfriends and always drove them off. well that was completely normal for him when you think about it. he was jealous, but not jealous in a way that most people think. the only person he has ever had was me. he was afraid of losing that one friend and he was jealous of the others because he felt that it will interfere with the friendship that he didn't want to lose. I've seen Sherlock and I know he preferred to spend time with me than with Lestrade or Mrs. Hudson or Mycroft. He saw Lestrade as most people would see their best friends, but me, I was different. I was not his lover. I was his _brother._ Mycroft no longer held that title in Sherlock's eyes.

Mycroft was never much of a brother to Sherlock when they were growing up. they always seemed distant. Mycroft had been trying to repair that, but Sherlock was…Sherlock. I know he won't forgive Mycroft for what he's done. So he turned to another to give the title of brother to. Myself.

Sherlock saw me as a brother, even if he denied it, but I knew him. I knew the signs. I've seen how his eyes lit up when I walked into the room. I've seen how he jumped at the opportunity to spend time with me. it was not because he wanted me to be his lover. Far from it. he wanted me to be there for him. he enjoyed spending time with me. of course, we didn't spend it like normal people because Sherlock was never normal. He did his own thing, I did my own, but we enjoyed each other's company.

When Sherlock talked, it's rare, but he does. And when he did, you felt as if he poured his entire soul into you. like he was placing his feelings out for the world to see. And he rarely did that. when he talked to you, you knew that you were special. You knew that you were the only person he would ever tell this to, and it was up to you to make sure it stayed that way. I think it's safe to say I knew Sherlock better than even Mycroft.

Sherlock claimed to not have cared for anyone, but he did. He did care. He cared about the people close to him, but most of all he cared about me. he cared because I was the only person that was willing to spend any time with him. I was willing to listen to him. I was willing to praise him and to entertain him. I was the first person to…to ever praise him. all he's ever heard when he made a deduction was an insult or disbelief. No one liked him, and yes i'm looking at you Anderson. You always tried to prove that Sherlock was the criminal, but he never was.

Lestrade, you told me that one day Sherlock might be a good man, and he was. Sherlock Holmes was a great man, but you know what, we never realized it because we were to ignorant of the fact. I remember I asked Sherlock if he ever cared about the lives of the victim. And he…and he told me, "will caring about them help save them?" I told him no. "then I will not make that mistake." Those words right there, those words made me think. Sherlock knows that he couldn't do anything about the victims by just caring. If it did, then I'm sure he would be a different man.

This last case, with mortiarty, it showed me just how human Sherlock was. He was perhaps the most human person I have ever met. When he made the phone call, he tried to lessen the pain of his death. he tried… he tried to make me hate him. he tried to convince me that he was a fake, that he lied to everyone. He didn't want to see me suffer.

…

Sherlock saved me. he saved me from returning home and living a normal and boring life. The time I spent with him, I will always consider them the best of my life. Sherlock made every moment enjoyable,a nd you can all admit it. as much of a pain he was, a part of you wanted to see Sherlock again. you wanted to hear that sarcasm or see one of those rare smiles even for just a moment.

That's just who he was, and that's all I have to say right now.

Sherlock Holmes was a great man. he was not a fraud. He never was. No one can fake that brilliance.

*….

John looked at the man lying in the coffin.

"Sherlock," he said, "nothing you say, will ever convince me that you were a fraud. You were my best friend. My only best friend. You were my brother. If it weren't for you, then what would have happened. I am grateful. Thank you."


End file.
